Comments on Magpie Musing: Unpacking

Ok so I went to the other junior hs, but there wer...

2012-01-26T13:40:45.454-05:00

Ok so I went to the other junior hs, but there were already kids with alcohol in their Tab cans at school, and lots of pot and definitely some sex. Really Magpie, it was just us chess nerds who didn't. There were pregnant girls in our HS that is for sure. They just left--unlike today.
BUT, I don't remember anyone speaking out about being raped until college. What a sick thing. Dori, I don't think I knew you and I am so sorry.
HSBFF

I didn't read the article. I have lived a sta...

2012-01-23T11:16:40.715-05:00

I didn't read the article.

I have lived a stable white-bread, middle class, mostly suburban life and I have personally known eight women who have been raped: teens, college students, adults, senior citizens. These are people I know or have known IRL and does not include those I've just met on the Web.

We hold onto the image of "not our town," "not our school," "not our friends," "not our family members" because if we realized how common these sorts of things are, we'd have trouble ever unlocking our doors and leaving the house.

I lived in a similar town, and I was part of the d...

2012-01-21T12:41:57.702-05:00

I lived in a similar town, and I was part of the drinking and drugs (but not sex or rape) crowd. Or at least I didn't think I was part of such a crowd, until one of my friends was raped by a "friend" at the age of 14. She handled it in a way akin to how Dorri did. I only hope that she has come out on the other side as well as Dorri finally appears to have.

Yes, there is darkness everywhere. I read that st...

2012-01-20T04:35:27.228-05:00

Yes, there is darkness everywhere.

I read that story and it hit me like a ton of bricks and it wasn't my town at all. It was very striking but to me, very familiar.

The strange thing is that you know when the boys were doing it they had no idea of the enormity of what they had done.

That's even scarier. Darkness comes so easy to us humans.

Really, be glad you didn't know about anything like this. I grew up with violence. I knew about rape by the time I was 6. I lived in terror and still do. It's just so much better not to know what can happen and what people are capable of during those developmental years.

Yes. There is darkness everywhere. We all spout t...

2012-01-19T11:55:12.397-05:00

Yes. There is darkness everywhere.

We all spout the statistics, but I think deep down somewhere we must not believe them, right? That was kind of the original intent behind Violence UnSilenced, to illustrate the 1 in 4 (or 1 in 3) statistic to bloggers within their community, among people they thought they "knew." Things have changed somewhat as the site was exposed to a wider audience, but that was where I was coming from originally.

The stats are true, and they are people not numbers, and when it hits home like this, yes, it's almost impossible to bear for a while. It's so awful. I'm so sorry for what you are feeling, and I get it. I do.

Thank you so much for writing about this.

Makes me ill to read this. I don't know the a...

2012-01-18T00:12:33.221-05:00

Makes me ill to read this. I don't know the author personally but I do know her mother, and knew her father too. Good friends of my parents. But whether or not I know you, Dorri (and I see you've written in here), it's sickening to know this happened to you. Sadly, it's not surprising, though. This happens a lot more than we realize. There was a similar event the year ahead of me in school (same age) and the girl switched schools rather than be with her rapist all day in class.

But thank you for writing your piece, Dorri. And thanks to Maggie for passing it along via your blog.

Sweet mother of... Reading that must have shaken ...

2012-01-17T23:34:46.752-05:00

Sweet mother of...

Reading that must have shaken you, on several levels. But your closing thought is the truest of all. If I cast my mind back through my life, I sometimes can catch a whiff of darkness that I tripped blithely past. And I regret not knowing enough to be compassionate at the time.

Wow. To your post and hers.

2012-01-16T22:10:52.226-05:00

Wow. To your post and hers.

Hi All. I'm so touched by the enormous respons...

2012-01-16T16:17:32.739-05:00

Hi All. I'm so touched by the enormous response I've been receiving from that essay! It's overwhelming and wonderful. So many kind people in the world. And thank goodness. the past is in the past!

I saw the start of this post in my reader, so I we...

2012-01-16T10:28:52.766-05:00

I saw the start of this post in my reader, so I went to the essay first, then came here. I thought the gist of your unpacking was going to be different, and I am glad that I was wrong on that point.

Now, I'm a bit younger than you, and honestly, what is shocking to me isn't that kids are raping/being raped in junior high, but that the drug scene was so quotidian that PA announcements were made and kids would be sent to the nurse for assistance. Holy cow -- THAT is the world that seems so foreign to me.

Wow. Just. Wow. Glad it is finally out of the s...

2012-01-16T08:31:01.852-05:00

Wow. Just. Wow. Glad it is finally out of the shadows...hope it helps others who still live with that horror.

Ugh. That's terrible. And yes, darkness ever...

2012-01-16T08:17:49.320-05:00

Ugh. That's terrible. And yes, darkness everywhere, as my small town has had to learn these past few months.

It is no wonder you are shaken. I feel shaken just...

2012-01-16T00:13:14.077-05:00

It is no wonder you are shaken. I feel shaken just having read the piece, and without having any connection to the place.

I know that many kids in my junior high drank, and there were rumors that some kids had had sex. There was definitely bullying, and sometimes even violent hazing. I never learned of anything quite as awful as the story you linked to, but with the Lord of Flies behavior I saw at my school, such things could well have happened.

darkness, indeed. my best friend in HS had been r...

2012-01-15T23:20:23.264-05:00

darkness, indeed.

my best friend in HS had been raped at a junior high party. I knew this shortly after we became close friends. It still didn't seem to real to me.

is it the thing they always blame it on, that supposedly indestructable feeling most youth have (you know, "most youth" being those who haven't had to face the darkness head on at some party or in some cemetery?)? is it a blind eye? maybe it's a bit of both.

What a terrible thing to have happened. I think th...

2012-01-15T23:12:01.786-05:00

What a terrible thing to have happened. I think there are many things going on around us that we just can't imagine.

I read the same thing and was also stunned though ...

2012-01-15T20:58:59.389-05:00

I read the same thing and was also stunned though not as personally as you.
Facebook has uncovered many, many things that kids in my high school were doing to which I was completely oblivious at the time. Nothing this dark, but it has really revised my opinion of my town. I marvel at your classmate's bravado in not just shutting down facebook, which would have been my reaction.

it is unfortunately, on every corner, in every sha...

2012-01-15T19:48:05.947-05:00

it is unfortunately, on every corner, in every shadow. But, we have so much light, don't we? That eventually we can chase away darkness?

I'm shivering. That poor girl. It's awful ...

2012-01-15T19:08:54.529-05:00

I'm shivering. That poor girl. It's awful to think of her bearing that alone, and awful to think of the darkness of those boys, and all of it is just horrifying. I hope you are able to move out of the darkness of the story feeling empowered by the knowledge, and that conversation with friends who were there a tha time brings comfort.