Hi! I would like to thank you for speaking up ab...

2009-11-22T18:54:48.947-05:00

Hi!

I would like to thank you for speaking up about the stigma that comes with being infertile.

As I am at the young end of the infertility struggle (21) I often get the "you've got time/you're still young' etc comments, which I find immensely offensive and horrible. My husband (who is 27) and I have been trying for a number of years now without success:

Thank you so much for talking about infertility bu...

2009-11-15T07:47:18.110-05:00

Thank you so much for talking about infertility but it's not just infertility that is taboo. It seems, to me, to be most medical and other "female" problems too.

While no one wants to hear everything we do need to hear enough to know that we are not alone. And you never know, a chance comment may trigger someone else comment that leads to a solution that you didn&

You're so right on with this post ... sadly, infer...

2009-11-14T13:34:13.605-05:00

You're so right on with this post ... sadly, infertility is still seen as a stigma by many people. I've had far too many people (more women than men, sad to say) treat me patronizingly and/or disdainfully in reference to my childlessness. Which is why only a handful of my friends (and, you know, the people who read my blog) know anything about the long story of my failed attempts to

Well, I think the stigma is the one we can give ou...

2009-11-13T15:00:18.000-05:00

Well, I think the stigma is the one we can give ourselves. I certainly felt like an outcast, that I was on the outside looking in. I smiled, I coped, but somehow never managed to shake the ghost of the woman I assumed I would be. I'm actually quite happy now, on another path, but on occasion, I still feel her beside me.

Love this post. And without being, I dunno, blasp...

2009-11-13T09:50:53.578-05:00

Love this post.

And without being, I dunno, blasphemous or something, I think there's also some kind of analogy to be drawn to stigmata (which, it turns out, in addition to its more common use, is also the plural of stigma).

I did a similar thing about deflecting comments. W...

2009-11-12T08:32:16.343-05:00

I did a similar thing about deflecting comments. We tried on our own for four years, but when we finally went to IVF we told everyone. Discovering 1 in 6 couples (the stats for Australia) have infertility issues meant I must have known people who had struggled. But no one had educated us, so we decided to try and use our experience to educate others so no one wastes precious time like we did.

I have found the stigma is not so much attached to...

2009-11-11T13:34:11.494-05:00

I have found the stigma is not so much attached to the infertility but to the treatment. as someone who can get pregnant when touched (yes, you are all allowed to scowl at me for it), I do not understand, or pretend to, the feelings around not being able to get pregnant. however, I know many who have had problems, and am glad they were able to find help and have the wonderful humans that are now

this is absolutely right, Magpie

2009-11-11T00:51:42.443-05:00

this is absolutely right, Magpie

This is not something I've experience personally, ...

2009-11-11T00:33:17.421-05:00

This is not something I've experience personally, but I have seen friends go through heart-wrenching experiences. I'm glad you found support--and so happy you got your daughter.

Amen.

2009-11-10T13:07:45.450-05:00

Amen.

I've been puzzling over why it is that there seems...

2009-11-10T08:34:32.272-05:00

I've been puzzling over why it is that there seems to be a positive correlation between how personal an issue is and how judgmental people are about it. There's an important lesson about humanity in there, I just can't figure it out.

I definitely had the experience of feeling very al...

2009-11-09T22:38:06.311-05:00

I definitely had the experience of feeling very alone because no one I knew had the same problems getting pregnant that I was having, until I started telling people it was a problem and suddenly I was surrounded by people sharing their stories.

My first introduction to blogs was through inferti...

2009-11-09T22:32:12.870-05:00

My first introduction to blogs was through infertility blogs too, for whatever reason. Even though I didn't have trouble getting pregnant, I think I learned to be much more sensitive to those that struggled, because they did write about it on their blogs.

I think it says a lot that, within certain populat...

2009-11-09T20:46:55.157-05:00

I think it says a lot that, within certain populations and certain communities in the U.S., infertility is not considered stigmatizing. Within other countries and particularly within poor countries and patriarchal cultures it most definitely is a stigma, results in disgrace and causes individuals to be outcasts.

Hmmmm. I wonder what 19th-century world the writer...

2009-11-09T18:55:52.405-05:00

Hmmmm. I wonder what 19th-century world the writer of that "stigma" bit that you started your post with comes from? Sure, there was a stigma if you were "barren", back in the day of corsets and silk stockings. But not nowadays -- especially in aflluent neighborhoods where people have the financial option of IVF.

I know of two families in our circle of relatives who

Infertility is a nightmare of a roller coaster rid...

2009-11-09T18:14:05.110-05:00

Infertility is a nightmare of a roller coaster ride. I hate that there's a stigma attached to it. I love that IVF exists. I hate that it only works 48% of the time. I love that I got to see my twins when they were 5-celled blastocysts. I hate that I am judged as an older mom who did IVF & had twins. I love that I was able to help another mom's dream come true by giving her the shots

I was totally over it until we started trying for ...

2009-11-09T16:40:57.111-05:00

I was totally over it until we started trying for #2. Now I'm that shrill, angry, whiny person again.

I feel I've got that special sense about those who've been there, too, but no one ever admits it to me so I'm left only with my mfing gd uberfertile freak friends who do get knocked up on the first try. Or on birth control.

And btw, while being silent isn&

I agree -- great post. Some of the things that ar...

2009-11-09T14:42:17.395-05:00

I agree -- great post. Some of the things that are most difficult to talk about are the things that most need to be talked about. Even though it's hard to know what to say and how to say it the right way, being silent about it just kills friendships, and shrinks spirits.

Yes. Awesome post. I convinced myself so thorou...

2009-11-09T14:16:10.253-05:00

Yes. Awesome post.

I convinced myself so thoroughly that infertility wouldn't happen to me (even when I was mysteriously never pregnant), that I still have to remind myself that it DID indeed happen to me. I think that once women resolve their childless-ness, they just move on and try to forget. It's easy to forget when the thing you anguished over for so long is in your arms

This is truly an awesome post. I love the irony at...

2009-11-09T13:49:19.669-05:00

This is truly an awesome post. I love the irony at the end. Just love it.

Comments on Magpie Musing: Stigma // Taboo

Hi! I would like to thank you for speaking up ab...

Thank you so much for talking about infertility bu...

You're so right on with this post ... sadly, infer...

Well, I think the stigma is the one we can give ou...

Love this post. And without being, I dunno, blasp...

I did a similar thing about deflecting comments. W...

I have found the stigma is not so much attached to...

this is absolutely right, Magpie

This is not something I've experience personally, ...

Amen.

I've been puzzling over why it is that there seems...

I definitely had the experience of feeling very al...

My first introduction to blogs was through inferti...

I think it says a lot that, within certain populat...

Hmmmm. I wonder what 19th-century world the writer...

Infertility is a nightmare of a roller coaster rid...

I was totally over it until we started trying for ...

I agree -- great post. Some of the things that ar...

Yes. Awesome post. I convinced myself so thorou...

This is truly an awesome post. I love the irony at...