16 March 2008

A.A.R.P.R.P


Dear Mr. Novelli,

Thank you ever so much for your invitation to join AARP. While I love the idea of retirement, I'm only 47 and don't expect to actually retire for a good 20 or 30 years. Furthermore, the fact that I have a 4 year old means that I won't be able to retire for some time - I need to be able to put the child through college, and that will require an income.

About that 4 year old - I suppose I might join your illustrious organization if it were providing some useful information on the care and feeding of small children. However, it appears that you're trying to protect pension rights and supplying long-term care insurance and offering discounts on cruises, rather than advocating for early childhood education and mandated maternity leave coverage and flexible work arrangements for parents and excellent childcare for all.

And while you're at it? Your letter talks about making "the most of life over 50". Since I'm not yet 50, you might want to look at your database. It can't be cost effective sending mailings to people like me. Hell, you might as well try to enroll my child! I've got it: change your name to American Association of Rambunctious Pipsqueaks and Retired Persons, and then everyone can join. Let me know when you've done that. In the meantime, I'll stick to Moms Rising. It does a better job of advocating for me and my needs.

All best,

-Magpie

19 comments:

jen said...

honey promise me you won't work till you are 77.

those guys can suck it though.

flutter said...

Dude. EXACTLY what jen said with a side of

"shove it, AARP"

Julia said...

Bwahahaha. How very polite of you.
Is that letter going back in that self-addressed envelope with all your flattened aluminum cans? Just so they know you mean business?

RNC sent something to husband a while ago. We figured because of the car he had leased at the time and the job he had. I didn't have enough flat heavy crap at the house for a satisfying return mailing. Drats! Funny, not a peep from them since he switched the car and the job...

the mama bird diaries said...

I can not believe they sent you a letter. The NERVE.

Funny response.

Does anyone EVER want a letter from the AARP? I mean, please, they really should stop mailing everyone.

Jocelyn said...

If these guys had had more early childhood education, they'd not have made such a mistake.

MadMad said...

Hahaha! We got ours this week, too. By "we" I really mean my husband. After laughing hysterically, I put it on the top of his mail pile... (a nice wife would have thrown it away to spare him, but you know me...)

DD said...

I love the letters from CMS advising me of how much I have "earned" and is applicable to my Medicare. It's depressing b/c it's indicative of my age and it also shows I haven't earned shit.

Janet said...

I shake my head daily at the offers that come in my mailbox. Is nobody screening the DM lists they purchase?!

Library Lady said...

Oh, I am ROTFL!!!

When they send ME a letter (and I'm right behind you at 46) I am going to add it to the circular file. The AARP lobby's attitude is "we were the "Greatest Generation" so we should get it all and to hell with our kids and grandkids".

So as far as I'm concerned they can gay cocken offen yam!

Becky said...

Bwahahaha!

My dad started getting all of these brochures for retirement homes and motorized wheelchairs at the ripe old age of 52. They really could've saved the paper for someone more interested, considering my dad has full use of his legs, arms, and has no plans of moving right now.

Hilarious.

PunditMom said...

You and I are SO in the same boat! And I"m SO tired of those AARP people thinking I'm retiring,instead of figuring out how to put money into PunditGirl's college fund.

dawn224 said...

"with a side of shove it"

jen and flutter win. I bow to them.

Mad said...

Erp! What's with the trend to retire by 50 anyway? Something is very wrong with this world. AARPP buggers. We don't have 'em up here. When we turn 50, cultural practice dictates that we get left in a snowbank to freeze.

Ozma said...

I know. Times are changing. We're supposed to be thinking of retirement and instead we're trying to get pregnant. Oh, and I'll be applying to law school soon. Retirement...ain't going to happen.

alejna said...

Let me know when the applications are out for the Rambunctious Pipsqueaks. I like the name.

My mother keeps wondering when she'll get to retire. She's turning 70 this year.

Victoria said...

Geez! I have a friend who got an AARP mailing @ 46 yrs old. She took a photo of her flipping it off and mailed it back to them. =)

Lori said...

I'm bookmarking this post so I can cut and paste your letter in just a few years (gulp).

Well said!

kathy a. said...

i laughed at my husband when his first letter came. mine came a few months later. it's been about a year and a half, and all i can say is that AARP doesn't forget me. they write at least once a month, which is more than i can say for certain relatives.

i'm 50, and nowhere in sight of retirement. until recently, i saw no benefit at all. however, a friend's husband signed up, and now she gets discount hotel rates, so maybe that is a reason to have my husband sign up.

Minnesota Matron said...

Amen, sister. I'm 45 with a five year old and am anticipating the day that letter arrives. I'll have the exact same sentiment.