03 May 2011

The Salt Course

Is it Teacher Appreciation Day in your neck of the woods? It is here, and once again, the PTA at my child's school held a lunch to, you know, appreciate the teachers. A few weeks ago, they sent out an email soliciting parents to cook - but as before, this was no ordinary pot luck, oh no, you had to cook exactly what you were assigned to cook.

I had a choice of chicken or cookies; I picked cookies not realizing that the recipe was going to require 8 ounces of bittersweet chocolate and that they'd have to be rolled into sticky, oily black balls, then dipped in granulated sugar and then dipped in powdered sugar. The chicken would have been easier.

When the recipe arrived by email, it was accompanied by a thoroughly compulsive set of instructions, including the following:

Attached is the recipe. Please follow it EXACTLY as it is written. All of the cookies will be combined so they must taste the same.

I would like to confess to you, dear readers, that I substituted dark brown sugar for the light brown that was in the recipe, I used 2% milk instead of whole, and I melted the chocolate in the microwave instead of over a pan of boiling water. But I was happiest about using coarse salt in place of the course salt that was called for. Because I'm evil that way.

23 comments:

liz said...

LOVE IT!

Kelly said...

I like your brand of evil. A lot.

Rabecca said...

This is exactly the kind of bullshit that gives PTA a bad name. Good grief! They should have it catered if perfection is that important!

You're an angel to participate despite the uptight vibe of your PTA. :)

RuthWells said...

Wot. The. Hell.

You are all volunteering your time and energy and you're being told what to bring complete with ridiculous instructions?!

I would go off the reservation and appreciate the teachers in my own way. Man.

De said...

Ooh, that is painful.

Awesome Mom said...

Ooo you rebel you! I am content to ignore my PTSA and they seem quite happy to ignore me too, we have a great relationship.

Gina said...

That's ridiculous! In our school you can just sign up to bring something, the end. To be told exactly what to bring is bad enough, but that is even worse!

Nadine said...

Hmmm, ours is a whole week. Yesterday it was breakfast, today was wear your teachers favorite color, tomorrow is lunch, Thursday the kids are each to bring a single flower for the teacher and Friday they have to each bring a few cookies for the teacher.

Think I can stretch Mother's Day into a week?

I bet they could taste the difference and I bet your cookies were the best!

Julia said...

Did they have someone taste-testing each cookie, to see if there were any mavericks?

You're one wild woman, Mags.

Carol Steel 5050 said...

You're a saint to have endured this anal-retentive bullshit!
Carol

Mental P Mama said...

Good Grief. I thought they all lived in Westport....

Anjali said...

Your PTA sounds like its from hell.

But of course, we have a Teacher Appreciation WEEK. Every day, for three different kids, I have to send something to school.

So maybe I'd be better off backing your cookies...

Anonymous said...

Of course you're coarse, Magpie. That's why I love you.

painted maypole said...

hmm... i have no idea what my school is doing for teacher appreciation.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I would have made peanut butter cookies just to see what they would do. Ridiculous. And I say this as the veteran of MANY a PTA potluck--and the organizer of several.

Kyla said...

Haha! I'd be sooo annoyed with a PTA like that. However, I didn't know about Teacher Appreciation Day until KayTar woke up crying that we didn't have any apples this morning! She drew her a picture instead, which the teacher put up on the wall by her desk, making KayTar happy as a clam.

mayberry said...

Way to be a rebel! A rebel who knows how to spell!

Jennifer (ponderosa) said...

lol

bittersweat chocolate

FreshHell said...

Wow. They aren't that anal at my kids' school. We are invited to bring in food but there are no mandates. And since I do not cook during the week, there would be some very hungry teachers (and one irate mother) if I received such a thing from the school.

Monday they brought flowers (from the garden) and chocolate. Tuesday it was school supplies. One brought a box of colored pencils, the other a box of regular pencils. They are supposed to bring in a handmade card tomorrow (I think) and that's the extent of it. Which is more than enough to keep track of, I think.

Ilina said...

Oh, you know how I love a homonym! You are wonderfully evil. And WTF, why can't you make what you want to make?!

leanne said...

LOVE. Because OH. EM. GEE.

We have a whole week of Staff Appreciation this week. But it's far more sensible, thank goodness. Also we have treat days for the staff every so often (maybe once a month?), and while themes might be suggested, I've never been given a recipe to follow. Otherwise, I'd follow in your footsteps.

Quadelle said...

Wow. That sounds completely bizarre. I'd be curious to hear what the teacher's think of it.

Anna said...

this is why i pretty much never volunteer for anything at my kids' school.

but reading this makes me feel less guilty about it.