09 November 2018

In Which I Demonstrate That I Am Going To Hell

Once upon a time, back when the girl was a baby, I used to lurk on the Urban Baby message boards. It was like front row seats to a train wreck, a delicious mix of schadenfreude and wickedness. I weaned myself of that bad bad habit, but now there's Facebook, specifically the local "moms" page. It's almost as entertaining as Urban Baby used to be, and it's not anonymous.

I used to copy my favorites into a draft post, titled "Best of [   ] Moms". Then I felt bad and stopped doing that. In fact, I stopped lurking because it generally just infuriated me. But I never did delete the draft.

Typos, inanity, excessive punctuation, and a constant searching for honest and reasonable tradespeople: life in the suburbs.

  • Would love a recommendation for an eyebrow specialist for my 12 year old for her Bat Mitzvah. Thanks. (No 12 year old needs her eyebrows done.)
  • HOSE OR NO HOSE...Black or Nude
  • Need some pet insurance advice, please..Our dog came from a good breeder so hoping there are no hidden genetical surprises and am thinking of higher deductible but have no idea. Sorry for inane question on a Sunday morning. (Genetical?)
  • Does anyone know a good and cheap handyman that can fix a leaky faucet to a closet door? (Since when do closet doors have faucets?)
  • (About middle school kids) These are their formidable years, when bonds and relationships are created. (Formidable!)
  • Is anyone interested in buying a pair of brand new UGGs. Long story, but my 12 year old bought them on eBay and ended up with two pairs. She bought them for $90. Let me know if your interested. (Um, why is your 12 year old shopping on eBay?)
  • Help mom's : Who to call to get my auto vacuum in the house fixed???? (Car vacuum or central vacuum?)
  • I am looking for great closet stretching companies. Any recommendations? (How do you stretch a closet?)
  • Can anyone recommend a reasonably priced built-in guy? (I think we all want a built-in guy.)
  • Looking for a reliable and honest cleaning lady. Any recommendations would we helpful. Thanks !
  • What are people giving for a cash gift at a black tie wedding? It's pretty fancy at the Mandarin Oriental and I'm not sure what the appropriate amount would be. (Sputter...the wedding venue does not the gift determine.)
  • Hi. Can anyone recommend a reliable local psychic that does NOT use tea leaves (I am allergic) or a crystal ball (long story). Thanks in advance.
  • Has anyone sprayed their lawn for tics? If so has it been effective and which company did you use? (Let's hope the lawn doesn't have Tourette's.)
  • i need an excellent creative local accpontant to do my complicared tax return thanks
  • Looking to get wood floors refinished. Has anyone hired someone great for this? Thank yo


kathy a. said...

OMG, this is hilarious!

julochka said...

These things make me feel like the best. parent. ever. It's like watching Toddlers & Tiaras.