27 July 2007

Malaprops, Grammar, Typos and Unbusinesslike Email Addresses

The Irish Goddess just had a post about her co-workers' malaprops, which reminded me of a memo I once got from a woman in our office, who was Japanese. It began "Firstable", that is, "first of all". I now use "firstable" every chance I get, but only orally - I try to write without typos or grammatical errors.

I'm in the process of slogging through hundreds of résumés, looking for a receptionist.

They are riddled with grammatical errors and typos. Someone can "miltietask". Someone began "From the your website...". Someone wants to be my "receptionest ".

And then there are the people with simply inappropriate email addresses, like anything that includes "sexi/sexy", "baby/babi/babee", "girl/gurl/grrl", "QTpie/cutest/cutie" , "luv/love/lov" or "hard24get". People, you're applying for a job! Act like a professional! Email addresses are easy to come by - have a bland one for job applications, and use "Ihave8grand@***.com" for something else.

Oh, and we can't forget the one that posseses "a positive and professional aura" or the one that "dressed up as Santa's Elf and spread Holiday Cheer". It's not in this batch, but I once got a résumé in which the applicant included "colonic irrigation" as a hobby.

I think I need some holiday cheer. This is way too demoralizing.


Julie Pippert said...

AH! You're speaking my funnybone language!

I love 'firstable.'

Okay so here we go, little publishing house humor.

There we all are, editors, hunched over manuscripts, online and printed out, hard at work making diamonds out of coal.

The company receptionist---a little too fond of the telephone intercom system---comes on and announces, "Attention all employees, please conjugate in the lobby immediately."

I STG 100 editors LOL peeing in their chinos in the halls.

Ummm that probably doesn't help you. LOL

Geez, goo luck with the slogging.

Colonic irrigation...are you shitting me?

(No pun intended.)

BipolarLawyerCook said...

I once got an application for a new secretary who wrote that she had excellent "spelling and profreding skills."

I am not kidding.

And then she left voice mails to follow up the resume, which got increasingly weird-sounding. So I just circled the typo, put it in an envelope, and sent it back to her with no cover letter at all.

Bill Braine said...

bplc: First-class profreders are hard to come by. To profrede, by the way, is to remove crumbs and coins from crevices in furniture or upholstery. Quite in demand in some offices, actually.

We once had a "Flash" "designer" come in for an interview who pulled up his ONE "Flash" "design," which was an agonizing animation of a bit-mappy tractor. . .coming. . .out. . .of. . . a. . . barn. He looked so earnest, the poor fellow. Good luck.

Antropóloga said...

I know, isn't it amazing how poorly people manage to present themselves? Wonders never cease.

Anonymous said...

Best of luck to you on that search. From someone who sees a lot of resumes, I hope you find a person who is stratactical, orientated toward success and is able to calendarize meetings effectively. ps-love your site.

BipolarLawyerCook said...

Bill, I thought profreders was an archaic definition, replaced by either the terms

1) dog
2) two year old
3) that cheap cousin who's always scrounging for a free meal...

My bad. : )

S said...

Firstable! I lovelovelove it!

Isis said...

I love firstable.

And the other points you make here are so good--may I pass the link along to my friends who teach business writing?