10 September 2008

Hump Day? Hmm...

W. brought in the mail and said "now you're getting packages addressed to Magpie Musing?" He handed it to me; from the return address I could tell it was a book I'd agreed to review. I opened it and showed it to him. "Maybe we'll have some fun with this."

It was a book called Hump: True Tales of Sex After Kids.

He blushed and handed it back to me.

I read it. I read the whole thing. It was often amusing, and frequently provocative, but occasionally annoying and kind of unsettling. That may be more about prudish me, but then again, I don't know. I've never had "toys"; the book made me wonder whether I've been missing something (for that matter, so did Aurelia last year). And since I never learned how to be a real girl, I'm not about to start getting Brazilians (I have enough trouble keeping my legs shaved). Nor am I going to start hosting pole dancing parties in my living room.

The book went completely off the rails for me with her enthusiastic endorsement of pornography and Vegas lap dances. Call me old-fashioned, but to me, pornography and lap dancing are exploitative of women, degrading women, turning women into commodity. Thanks, but no thanks.

I kind of wanted to like the book more - after all, I am her demographic: the overextended married mother, in a heterosexual, monogamous relationship. But I didn't really get much out of it, beyond the rekindling of a vague curiosity about vibrators (my turn to blush).

Incidentally, it's all about monogamous sex between married men & women. No adultery, no same-sex relationships. None of that Little Children shacking up with the stay-at-home dad you met at the playground.

And peeps? This is as close as you'll get to me talking about my sex life on this here blog. Bacon? I can do bacon. I'll leave the blogger's sex life to Deb on the Rocks.



[Many apologies to Julie, who inspired the post title and who will receive a little something in the mail for her forbearance...yup, I mailed the book to her.]

16 comments:

Sober Briquette said...

*TMI WARNING*

I may need to check this out. I find myself bored and my husband? He's getting kinkier and kinkier, probably in his attempts to kick the boredom. (Note: we've been married 18 years.)

Some time back, I was complaining to a friend who happened to be in the Sex Party business. She mailed me THE MOST amazing vibrator. Not that it gets a lot of use, but when it does, every time I think, "WOW! I should use this more often."

flutter said...

if you'll excuse me I think I need a moment to myself...

alejna said...

I'm terribly amused by your use of the tag "pork."

I think the book is also not for me, though I fit the target demographic, too. I don't envision any pole dancing parties in my future either.

Mayberry said...

Huh. Pole dancing? Is the author advocating installation of a pole?! And who's invited to these parties? Maybe I should read the book. Or not.

Aurelia said...

Dude, we HAVE to go shopping. Am shameless, hahahahaha

phd in yogurtry said...

I completely agree with your reactions to porn and lapdances. I am not one of those permissive, laid back women who think its OK for their men to go to exotic dance establishments. I view those events as inherently sexual in nature, period. Plus the expoitative, degrading aspects. So right on!

As for electric toys, I didn't experience my first until after my 3rd child was born - previously my reactionary stance was "I don't want a lawnmower in the bedroom" but I since learned about quiet toys and expediency! I am now a true believer and proponent, thinking, "why did we wait so long?"

Great book review, btw.

noble pig said...

OMG. Me Blushing!

kathy a. said...

excuse me? sex after kids requires pole dancing, brazilians, and marital aids??

i'd argue that it's more important to have reliable babysitting, and to never, *ever* move your teen son to the room separated from yours by one thin wall.

Ree said...

I laughed my butt off throughout this book. ;-)

But I could never talk to all of my friends like she did.

PicaboMama said...

Ah, yes what every cash strapped working family needs is a trip to the strip club... but toys, now that is a money well spent. May I recommend the candy colored Pocket Rocket by Doc Watson? It looks like a teeny innocent flashlight.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I think you and I are kind of soul-matey on the sex, talking about sex, reading about sex thing.

A few of the newfound blog friends I've met in real life are a bit more adventuresome and have educated me a bit. Don't be too quick to say no to the toy thing. That's about as close as you'l get to me talking about my sex life on your blog.

painted maypole said...

if i talked to any of my friends about my sex life, you and I would get along great. But I don't talk to any of my friends about my sex life. So you and I will get along great! ;)

Angeline said...

Hmmmm...maybe its my culture or maybe its just me...pornography and Vegas lap dances are not for me either...

and I never had 'toys' before too, and I don't think I ever will.

Kate Lord Brown said...

Can I just ask - what is Hump Day? A national holiday to give exhausted parents a special treat while the kids are at school? (In England we have to settle for Bank Holidays and a nice cup of tea ...)

Melissa said...

Kate -

Hump Day is Wednesday. The middle of the week, the hump you get over to be on the downward slope to the weekend.

Julie Pippert said...

You! How lovely to get this package in the mail! I mean...a gift! Which means *someone thought about it---and not in a cursing kind of way!*

Thanks. Thank you.

I got it late last week (as in found it in the large bag o'mail piled up) and read it through over the weekend. I felt the same way as you, and I am a girly girl.

There were a few good points but overall I think she missed the general audience completely.

The book should have been titled "Reclaiming Your Inner Nympho."

I don't think there's anything wrong with me and I don't revolve my life around sex, sex prep, sex stim, sex sex sex like that. The presumption between the lines that I should was off-putting.

Her one friend wrote an email in response to her about "why sex doesn't happen" and that was the real thing in the book---the one real thing, the one thing I related to.

And she never covered one bit of it.

All I can think is they must be really different out in CA.