26 March 2010

Let's Review: Crest Neat Squeeze

It's harder than it should be to buy toothpaste for the kid; she's very picky about the flavors. Mint? No. Cinnamon? Hell no. Watermelon? No. Orange-Mango? No. The only flavor she accepts is blue bubblegum, thanks to a free sample of Crest "Sparkle Fun" that came home from the dentist one day (ah, insidious marketing).

Figuring that brushing teeth is better than not brushing teeth, I caved and bought a full-sized "tube" of the Crest. It comes in a new-fangled container, not the usual tube that you squeeze and roll and squeeze and roll. Nope, this is the "Neat Squeeze" container, for fastidious types that don't care to have their toothpaste tubes squeezed in the middle by careless six year olds. Note, if you will, the flat bottom, rendering the container more like a bottle than a tube. I supposed that appeals to the tidy people who abhor their tubes lying down. Because it is new-fangled, it has informative copy on the back of the container:



In case you can't read that fine print, it says:

The Neat Squeeze dispenser has a unique inner bag that empties itself as you squeeze in the middle. When the package gets lighter and is harder to squeeze, it’s time to buy more Crest.

Yeah, right.

The toothpaste stopped coming out of the tube. I squeezed the hell out of it, I banged it on the sink, I stood it upside down, all because I knew there was a lot of toothpaste in there. Finally, I got a pair of scissors, and carefully cut off the bottom of the tube, revealing the silver plastic bag within.

Can I tell you how annoying it was to find that there was at least a third of the product still in there, no longer willing to be squeezed out by itself? And Crest wanted me to throw that tube out and buy more? You can just imagine the people at Proctor & Gamble sitting around inventing a dispenser that contains six ounces, but only spits out four. "Ha, ha", they think, "we'll sell more units that way".

Feh. I think I'd rather her teeth rot that buy that stuff again.




Disclosure: In case you're wondering, I bought this toothpaste with my own money and no one paid me for this review.

21 comments:

de said...

Phooey. I was hoping for a positive toothpaste review about something called "Neat," because you are right that getting kids to brush their teeth should be easier, and toothpaste should not be such a big part of the problem. I cleaned their bathroom today - never a fun time when you have a little boy who sleepwalks. But forget the toilet, the counter is more disgusting. The natural toothpaste that Lorenzo uses dries to a rubber cement consistency overnight and he over-squeezes so much it's like a herd of slugs were caught by the sunlight as they slithered across the counter and turned to stone. The survivors that is. The others died a bloody death in my daughter's strawberry toothpaste. /endrant

Gina said...

I bought this once and thought the same thing - that there was a shit-ton left in there. Of course, I wasn't smart enough to cut it open like you did. I just swore at it and threw it away.

ewe are here said...

I don't blame you ... how sneaky and wasteful is that?!

Kyla said...

Terrible! We have bought it before and our issue was how messy it was! We had that blue goo everywhere! LOL. KayTar will only use Aquafresh Kids, so that is what we go with.

Mary G said...

Rats! Thanks for the info - I might have bought one, being a neat toothpaste tube freak.
Jeepers - should I be saying that in public? Men with white coats and butterfly net on stand-by.

allison said...

Argh! A bile-inducing corollary to built-in obsolescence. I spit in their general direction.

I HATE buying toothpaste. Is there anything more indicative of a decadent society than that massive wall of whitening-bleaching-breath-freshening-fluoride-you'll-never-be-homeless-if-you-use this crap? It makes my head hurt.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I figured that one out too. I'm sticking with the tube.

Awesome Mom said...

I hate the whole toothpaste thing. The kids want the fancy odd flavored stuff and I just want to stop spending a ton of money on silly products. This round I bought them the cheap tube of non whitening basic toothpaste. I just make sure to use as little as possible and everyone is happy.

Murr Brewster said...

And because it isn't enough to put one piece of plastic crap in the ocean, we have to have Inner Linings, too. Spare me.

I remember when tooth paste came in metal tubes and it was a really big deal to get all the stuff out.

So this here was marketing genius, just as you suspected. I read once where they started selling half-again more shampoo just by putting "Lather, Rinse, Repeat" on the instructions.

heidi said...

This review was extremely useful. Sadly, there is at least a third of a tube all over the sink after a typical brushing at our house.

Maggie May said...

agreed!

Mayberry said...

We have one of those too! Now I know why it's so hard to squeeze. Dastardly.

bernthis said...

I have that same dispenser type for adult Crest. That is bullshit. Last time for me.Thanks for the warning.

Stimey said...

We use that same toothpaste and have the same problem. It annoys the heck out of me.

YourFireAnt said...

Why the hell don't they have chocolate flavored toothpaste ??

The Library Lady said...

That bubblegum sort of flavor is available in most of the Colgate kids pastes--in the regular sort of tube.

JR recently tried the adult mint stuff and was horrified by the taste. She'll keep using the Colgate--and I am happy to say she just went to the dentist yesterday and is cavity free. Needs braces though :/

imperatrix said...

I cut open all containers: moisturizer bottles with a pump, shampoo and conditioner bottles, etc. They are all made with no regard for complete usage. I use one of those squeezy double bars things (connected with rubber bands -- you know what I'm talking about?) on my toothpaste tubes to prevent toothpaste from sliding backwards in the tube.

I tie soap ends into a clean knee high so we can use it to the last sud.

I am a proud miser. Join us, we are legion!

nonlineargirl said...

Neat, my ass.

Oh, and if the only problem was a child squeezing toothpaste from the middle. Try husband, which is much more annoying.

Joe Bakhos said...

I've invented and patented a solution to this problem. A new type of squeeze bottle that keeps the liquid always pressed firmly toward the nozzle. It is clear however so you can see the product.

It is US patent no 8,408,426 B2

Take a look at my web site at www.sqzlbottle.com

I explain there how it is different than the neat squeeze bottle.

Tricia Solinski said...

Sorry but has anyone already pointed out you CAN by a regular tube of that flavor?! I get mine at The Dollar Tree. I buy a bunch of (regular old) tubes when they get them in stock. ... they sell out quick but restock regularly... So I did try this Neat Squeeze because it stands up ...(I hate the tubes he leaves the cap off and it gets all over the counter)... BUT it's true it's not empty and the boy can't squeeze it out any more. So I have to help my 9 yr old get toothpaste out of this KID tube?!?!

Tricia Solinski said...

I think I remember a bottles of this type (late 1980s) I remember mom buying it, because there was 6 of us and it stood up... It had a bottom piece that pushed up .... I remember, like a push pop of the same era .. I don't know exactly how it worked but it was better. .. still lots of waste.