10 June 2011

Bad >> Good

This day did NOT get off to a good start.

1) I forgot to set my alarm, so I got up a half hour late on a day I should have been in the office a half hour early.

2) There was nothing to eat for breakfast except frozen English muffins, so I stuck one in the toaster to defrost.  Alas, I burned my left thumb when I picked up the wooden chopsticks that I'd stupidly left on top of the toaster.

3) When I finally got on the train, and the conductor came 'round to check tickets, I realized, after rooting around in my bag for awhile, that I'd left my wallet home - meaning, no money and no train ticket. Happily, the conductor said "I'll come back", and then when she did come back, she studiously ignored me. I mouthed a "thank you" at her, but I'm not sure how I'm getting home tonight.

But a close reading of the first section of the New York Times came to the rescue.

1) Above the fold on the front page was the story about Newt Gingrich's campaign "imploding" - excellent word. This is going to be one hell of a campaign season.

2) Also on the front page was a teaser paragraph about the endangered Great Hamster of Alsace, which France has to hop to and protect. But Great Hamster of Alsace! Doesn't that sound like something out of Monty Python?

3) Frankly, I didn't know that Prince Philip was such a feisty old crank, but I laughed out loud at some of his thoroughly inappropriate quips:

  • To the president of Nigeria, resplendent in traditional costume: “You look like you’re ready for bed.”
  • To the singer Tom Jones: “Do you gargle with pebbles to sing that way?”
  • To a museum curator in the Cayman Islands: “Aren’t most of you descended from cannibals?”

4) Leona Helmsley's dog died six months ago. Who cares, right? I scratched my head as to why this out of date "news" was reported with 883 words and a color photograph, and was nauseated to learn that the dog's security detail ran $100,000 a year.

Oh, don't get me wrong - there was plenty of bad news, legitimate news, sober news, in the Times, but the outlandish stuff was just what I needed to be reading.


FreshHell said...

The Great Hamster of Alsace! I didn't need to read any further than that! I've had a week like your morning so that's the kind of news I need. Thank you.

Harriet said...

I made that exact comment to Mr. Spy this morning about the Great Hamster of Alsace. At the very least, I hope it's a picture book in the making.

Unknown said...

If I was in the city I'd get you a ticket! Sorry your day started out all wrong.

All hail the Great Hamster of Alsace! (with big pointy teeth)

Awesome Mom said...

Interesting bits of news. The dog story makes me with I had been born that dog. It would be nice to have that standard of living for being a nasty biting dog.

She Curmudgeon said...

I hope the kindness of strangers got you home safely.

And "Great Hamster of Alsace!" is going to be my go-to exclamation for the rest of the weekend.

I'd always heard Prince P. was a dolt. I really love these-- I think someone should collect them all into a book. (They prob. already are, but are waiting until after he's passed.)

painted maypole said...

it's wonderful how kind a train conductor can be. :)

YourFireAnt said...

If you're still at work when I get down there next week, I'll spring ya.


Kyla said...

I hope you've had several good days since this!

Frogs in my formula said...

$100,000??? Egads! Hope your mornings have gotten off to a better start since this post.